The New Year has just rolled in which means it’s that time of year to start thinking about your New Year’s resolutions. Yes – those ones that you make to yourself whilst recovering from the New Year’s Eve hangover and dreading the thought of having to cram yourself into “normal” clothes without the comfort of an elasticated waist for the working week ahead.
The alcoholic fog with which you’ve cosseted yourself in for the previous 2 weeks suddenly seems a really bad idea and thoughts turn to your abused liver and sky high cholesterol levels. So whilst you’re laid on the sofa, with the remote control in one hand and the other hand in the dregs of the Quality Street tub, looking at the chocolates nobody else wants, your thoughts inevitably turn to the “New Year- New You” pledges – you know the usual ones which involve losing weight, getting fit, quitting smoking etc etc with the vague hope that this is the year those resolutions will stick!
This year however I’ve decided to shake things up a bit and create 3 additional resolutions for the workplace of which I am willing to share!
What is a New Year’s resolution?
A New Year’s resolution is a tradition, most common in the Western Hemisphere but also found in the Eastern Hemisphere, in which a person makes a promise to do an act of self-improvement or something slightly nice, such as opening doors for people beginning from New Year’s Day.
New Year Resolution 1: Grow a plant
No, I don’t mean buy a plant and then dutifully neglect it. I mean plant something exotic like an Orchid and watch it grow! Many times a day I say to myself “It’s like working in a greenhouse on this floor” or “Blimey it’s hot in here”, as I vigorously waft myself with whatever piece of paper comes to hand first.
So why not use the heat to create life. It’s a well-known fact that plants help your oxygen intake (another plus due to the “keep the windows shut” rule) and it also make things look nicer – as long as it’s green. Brown isn’t very becoming. There – a resolution that turns a negative into a positive!
New Year Resolution 2: Teach Myself the Beverage Dodge Dance
You know the one, you’ll have seen it ….. it’s the combination dance starting with the Quick Step to the kitchen area, breaking off for a Rumba rummage in the tea/coffee canisters, the dramatic Tango heel turn upon the realisation there is no coffee and/or tea, which leads into the slow Waltz back to your desk in the hope somebody will have been downstairs to replenish depleted stocks before you reach your seat, because with all that dancing it’s just too tiring to get the lift to the ground floor and go yourself!
New Year Resolution: Play Paper Chase Tag
When I am mid print and the printer runs out of paper instead of dashing off to ground floor, spend 5 minutes searching for an elusive trolley, dragging boxes of paper on the aforementioned trolley – pushing the then very heavy trolley to the snail lift, waste 10 minutes waiting for the aforementioned snail lift to arrive, give myself a hernia pushing the trolley in and having to listen to the cheerful announcements of “Floor One” ….. “Floor Two” (which incidentally talks faster than the lift actually goes), arrive at the floor I need, pull the 10 ton trolley out of the lift, whilst simultaneously praying through gritted teeth someone is coming out of the office so I don’t have delve around my sweaty (by this point) cleavage looking for the fiddly fob to let me through the doors.
Nope … this year I will play Paper Chase Tag .. I will just move around all the printers checking (tagging) the trays for paper until I find a printer that has enough paper to print what I need.
I will, however, endeavour to keep an eye on the doors just in-case an unfortunate paper lugger who hasn’t yet learnt to play this game is struggling to get in !
How long does the average person keep their New Year’s resolution?
Surprisingly, 75% of resolutions will be continued through the entire first week of January, but only 46% make it past six months. University of Scranton also stated that 39% of people in their twenties will achieve their resolution each year while only 14% of people over 50 years of age will achieve theirs.
So these are my workplace resolutions – please feel free to let us know what your office based resolutions are.
Written by Sally Hutchinson